Week 9: The Family Under Stress

At some point, every family will experience a family stress event. Some will experience many in their lifetimes while other will experience less. Nevertheless, we are all going to experience these stressors no matter who we are. 

Some family stressors include:

- losing a job

- moving

- a rebellious child

- death of a spouse or parent

- suicide in the family

- death of a child

- separation or divorce of a spouse or parent

- physical or sexual abuse

- spouse or parent has an affair

- spouse or parent has an addiction to drugs, pornography, alcohol, etc.

- family member jailed or arrested

- family member is disabled or chronically ill

- etc. etc. etc. etc. (there are SO many more!) 

Some families come out of these stressors better than others. These stressors tend to bring the families down, but how the family copes with these events determine if their family will bounce back, become stronger and closer, or if it will be detrimental.

It's important to remember in these times of stress that everyone in the family will feel pain. That pain will bring feelings of compassion and empathy. The problem comes when someone feels pain and blame because that person will become defensive. Blame is just no good. It drives wedges between family members and those who are blamed feel shame and withdraw. Pointing fingers and blaming others does nothing but harm! It can be so easy to do, but troubles require patience, love, and maturity.

We'll all go through times where sometimes we need to save or help others and sometimes we're the ones who need saving. I think it's a beautiful thing when I see spouses who lift each other up when the other is down. Sometimes that just how it needs to be in a marriage. We are constantly growing, changing, and experiencing trials and both spouses won't always be strong. 

Have you ever been so stressed and wished that you weren't? Yeah? Me too. Sometimes I wish I didn't have things that stressed me out or made me sad, but my professor shared something with us that changed my attitude about the stress I feel. 

He shared with us how bones rebuild based off of the stress that is placed on them. If we don't have stress on our bones, then they won't develop strength. The same goes with ourselves mentally and emotionally. As my professor said, "Stress is your friend. It's why you're good at stuff." 

A lack of stress is our greatest enemy because that means we're not becoming stronger. My professor shared another interesting story to help explain this. He told us that there was a study done on identical twins that were both astronauts. One of the twins was sent into space while the other was not. For the twin sent to space, he had worse health than his twin throughout their lives. This is because when you're in space, you body doesn't have any stress on it. There isn't gravity and weight on your body. It's interesting of that physical evidence showing the importance of stress on our bodies. As hard as it is, stress is important in our lives and in our families. 

Another cool thing my professor shared with us is the definition of crisis. A crisis leaves a permanent impact on the family. They are forever changed because of it. When you look at the Chinese symbols for crisis, there is a symbol for danger and a symbol for opportunity. I found it so interesting that a crisis is not only a danger, but an opportunity. It is an opportunity for individual growth and for the family to become closer. Having this perspective can be a game changer when a crisis happens.