Week 8: Marital Intimacy

Real talk here. I honestly don't think we talk enough about just how good marriage is. In the world we live in, we hear far more negative things about marriage than positives. There are SOOO many good things about marriage! Did you know that married people are happier, healthier, and earn more than those who are not married? Cool, right? AND when you are married, you are able to learn and grow in ways that you wouldn't be able to experience any other way. 

This week in my Family Relations class we learned about marital intimacy and just how important it is in our marriages. I'm a firm believer that married or not, it's important to learn about sexual intimacy and about how our bodies work. Talking about sex used to be such a taboo and awkward thing for me. I didn't even let my mom have the "sex talk" with me because I said "no no no" and avoided it like the plague. Now that I'm married, I wish I would have learned about it before. 

Sex is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a very good thing when used properly. God gave us sex so that a man and woman, husband and wife, could strengthen their bond with each other and create children. God loves us so much that he gave us something to bring us closer. 

Now, sex is a very different experience for men and women. For men, they are more easily turned on, it is easier to climax, and the sexual response peak for men is at age 18. For women, they have a higher sex drive when ovulating, their sexual response peak is age 35, and they experience the hormone oxytocin during sex.

Now there's something very special about the hormone oxytocin. It is a bonding hormone that women experience during sex, when they give birth, and when mother's breastfeed their babies. Interestingly enough, this isn't a hormone that men experience. Men have to bond in other ways with their spouses and with their children. It's through intentional actions, recreational companionship, and even sex. 

Another interesting thing to know is that women are more likely to seek sexual connection when they feel safe, close, and warm. While men may have the stereotype of seeking out for sex, they use sex to feel safe, close, and warm. Men are more likely to seek out sex to fill their emotional needs while women are more likely to seek out sex when their emotional needs are filled.

It's also important to know the dangers of having multiple sexual partners before marriage. This is dangerous for women especially because the more sexual partners a woman has had before marriage, the harder it will be for her to connect and bond to her husband. It makes infidelity far easier. Also, if men aren't feeling that their wife wants sex, they may turn to other women or pornography. Sex is so sacred and special in marriage, but if there is misinformation, disinformation, or confusion, we can have wondering hearts and eyes. 

I wish that more people had the same passion about their marriages as they did their jobs, hobbies, and school. Our marriages should not be treated like a car that we can get rid of when a newer, nicer, more attractive model catches our eye. We need to be all in for our marriages.

My professor encouraged us to look up a talk called "Oneness In Marriage" by Spencer W. Kimball. In this talk, Spencer Kimball shares a never failing formula for a happy marriage.

First, there must be a proper approach toward marriage.

Second, there must be a great unselfishness in the marriage.

Third, there must be a continued courting and expressions of affection, kindness, and consideration.

Fourth, there must be a complete living of God's commandments. 

No one's marriage is free of hardships and I mean no one's marriage. We need to constantly be working on and strengthening our marriages. Just like being in a canoe in a stream, if we're not paddling up stream, we may find ourselves and our marriage in a place we never thought it would be.